The Most Befuddling Thing
by Foxieglove
Summary: Songfic on crack. Agatha sings to Wanda about love.


A/N: My muse is responsible for this insanity. And so is watching 'Sword in the Stone' due to boredom last night. ^-^ This is based off the squirrel scene, and boy did I have fun. Hope you get a few laughs out of it! It may start out serious, but don't let that fool you.

~~~~~~

Agatha rubbed her temples as Wanda failed for the eighteenth time to keep the feather floating in midair. Each time she would become distracted for one reason or another. "You must learn to focus, child."

"This is pointless. Why do I need to focus on something so trivial?" Wanda growled, trying again. 

"If you cannot focus on the small things, then the big things will be much harder. There is a method to my madness."

Wanda raised an eyebrow, unable to tell whether or not that was a subtle dig. The gust of wind blowing through the cracked window at just the right angle and speed began to shift, sending the feather spinning downwards. 

"Don't take gravity so lightly," Agatha continued. "Or it will catch up to you." 

"Meaning?" The girl was in no mood to interpret folk sayings. 

"_Meaning_ that you very well might fall alongside your enemies if you cannot completely control what you manipulate," was the prim reply. The feather spun out of the wind current and landed on the carpet. Agatha stared down at it without expression.

Her pupil groaned in frustration. "There's so many ways the stupid thing can turn."

"So will your enemies slide out of your grasp unless you are prepared for each one."

Wanda threw up her hands. "Enough! Can't we at least do something fun?! What about flying?" 

Agatha smirked. "You cannot keep a feather in the air. What makes you think you can float yourself?" 

"It was just a suggestion," the younger girl scowled.

"Sweetums!" came an approaching voice. Wanda moaned and covered her eyes as the owner knocked on the door to the lesson room. "Not again!" she pleaded. 

Amused, Agatha opened the door. "Yes?" she inquired of the crouching boy before her. 

"Um, hi, is Wanda --?"

"Go. Away."

"Oh, she is! I brought you gals some food, yo. It's almost lunch and you've been in there all mornin'." He offered the tray to Agatha who floated it over to the table. A sudden gust of wind began to close the door. "Wait, wait, can't I at least talk to her?"

"You _were_ talking to me," Wanda snapped. "Goodbye."

"But I just wanna --"

Wanda jumped to her feet and sent a warning bolt at the door. It didn't reach its intended victim. Instead, the bolt ripped off the door and sent it sailing across the room to embed itself through the plaster wall. Todd stared wide-eyed. "Whoa! Babycakes, you should be proud of yourself! You showin' some real progress."

"What are you talking about? I missed," Wanda snarled. 

"I . . . I . . . I think I hear Fred callin' in the kitchen," Todd whimpered, and bounded down the stairs. Wanda glared after him, knowing he'd be back sooner or later. 

"How do I keep him from staying _away_?!" she growled.

"Wanda," Agatha chided lightly. "He likes you. He hasn't done anything wrong by that, has he?"

The Scarlet Witch fumed. "I wouldn't be so hard on him if he would just take a hint! I'm not interested! How many times do I have to hexbolt him to get that through his skull?!"

"It's love." 

"Love? No, 'love' is when people like each other, not when one guy chases a girl and drives her crazy!"

"That's still love. It's just unreturned," the older woman stated, eyeing the sandwiches Todd had brough them. She shifted towards them. She really hadn't had anything to eat that morning.

"What is it going to take to make him realize that it's never going to _be_ returned?" 

"A lot, obviously. He's got it bad for you and this is probably the first time he's ever fallen in love." Agatha bit into a sandwich that was just a bit on the stale side but still edible.

"But why me?" Wanda's voice was filled with a bit more wonder than disgust this time. "The other boys stay far away. But he just keeps on coming back trying to win me over." She crossed her arms and glared. "Hmph. Like that's ever going to happen."

"You can't tell his heart what to think. It's a natural phenomenon. It can happen to anyone and there's no real explanation why."

"Phenomenon? More like a -- GACK!" Wanda turned and was startled by Toad who was once again standing in the doorway. 

"I forgot to ask if you wanted a soda?" 

"NO!" Angrily she brushed past him. Agatha was hard pressed not to giggle as Todd bounded after her. She took another sandwich and walked out behind the two as Wanda stormed outside, followed closely by her new shadow.

**Agatha:**  
_It's a state of being, a frame of mind  
It's a most befuddling thing_

"Can I take a walk without you following me?!" 

"Are you sure you don't want a soda?" 

"AUGH!"

The offered Pepsi can exploded in Todd's hand and all over the younger boy. "I'll . . . take that as a no."

**Agatha:**  
_And to every being of every kind  
It is discombooberating_

Todd continued to follow Wanda. "So, are your lessons over?" 

"Yes."

"Want to hang out?"

"No."

"Come on, I know a really cool place --"

"GRRRRR!" A hexbolt sent Todd somersaulting backwards across the lawn. Wanda stormed off and hadn't walked ten feet before Todd hopped on Lance's jeep in front of her. 

"You seem a little tense, sugar plum. I could give ya a massage."

**Agatha:**  
_You're wasting time resisting  
You'll find the more you do  
The more he'll keep insisting  
His her has  
got to be you _

Wanda was beginning to faith in her powers. Nothing kept this guy away! "Just leave me alone!" She yelled and in desperation, scurried to a tree. Maybe she could climb it and get away from this weirdo. 

Todd watched her in confusion as she scrambled up through the branches, breaking several on the way. 

Wanda huffed and puffed as she pulled herself up, not realizing just how silly she looked to the passerby. It mattered little, since for several good reasons not many people ever passed by the Brotherhood house. She threw her leg over one branch and reached for another that was a bit too far away. "Try this one," a helpful voice assisted. Wanda looked slowly to her left to see Todd perched a few branches above her. 

With an agonized shriek, Wanda flung herself out of the tree. Todd watched with alarm until she hit the ground with a thud. Then he winced. "Cuddlebumps! Are you okay?" 

"Wawawawawa," muttered Wanda as her eyes spiralled dizzily. 

**Agatha:  
**_It's a rough game anyone knows  
There are no rules, anything goes  
There's no logical explanation  
For this discombooberation  
It's a most bemuddling, most befuddling thing _

Todd helped Wanda up into a sitting position. She blinked at him once or twice as he smoothed the leaves and twigs out of her hair. "Man, that Agatha's doin' a crummy job teachin' ya how to use your powers. You shoulda let me know you wanted to practice flyin'. I coulda caught you. You feel up for a second go?" 

"He's gaining on you, Wanda!" Agatha cackled as Wanda ran screaming across the lawn with Todd hopping in pursuit, looking very much like a certain cartoon skunk. 

She couldn't help but root for the boy; in her opinion, her pupil needed some romance in her life. And this was better than a soap opera. 

Behind the old witch, Lance and Fred exchanged glances. "What did Todd put in those sandwiches?" Lance asked worriedly.

Oblivious to them and the strange man tiptoeing through the back door, Agatha sang on. 

**Agatha:  
**_There's no sensible explanation  
For this discombooberation  
It's a most hodge-podgical  
Most illogical  
Most confusiling  
Most bemuddling  
Most befuddling --_

"Ahem," a voice coughed behind her. Agatha turned curiously, to come face to face with none other than Mastermind. Mastermind smiled and held out, much to the old woman's alarm, a boquet of lilies and a box of chocolates. A little tag on the offering read: "For the girl that no illusion can compare to."

Agatha looked at Mastermind. Mastermind continued to smile at Agatha and pursed his lips for a kiss. She turned to face the camera with a hapless expression. 

**Agatha:   
**_Thing! _

"Wanda! Wait! I'll join you!" screeched Agatha, running toward the horizon after Wanda and Todd. Mastermind grinned and skipped off in pursuit. 

That was the last they ever saw of Agatha. And Todd was never allowed to make another sandwich again. 

**~ The End ~**


End file.
